The Wedding Night

In telling me her story, Mary-Beth has allowed me to read a few pages from her diary. I have tried to be as accurate as possible, without being too vulgar or sexually revealing, while still trying to tell her story accurately. I also ask her to approve of the posts before I post them.

Imagine you are a young girl daydreaming about your first crush. Of course he would be the cutest boy in school, and everyone would find him charming. The other girls date any boy they can, but you are patiently waiting for the right boy. Then one day it happens. You meet the boy of your dreams. He’s tall, good looking, a snappy dresser, and very charming. And best of all, he seems to be just as smitten with you as you are with him.

You start courting and find out that you have a great deal in common. He likes all the same things that you do. He loves to travel, wants to see the world. He loves god and volunteers often in church. He loves his mother and is kind and courteous to her. He is kind to children and would like to have his own some day. And perhaps most intriguing of all, he has never had a serious girlfriend, but has been waiting patiently for you too.

Then the day of your wedding arrives, and it’s beautiful. You stand beside your handsome fiancée, as the minister pronounces you ‘man and wife’. Then off to the reception where everyone toasts to your happiness, after which you arrive at the Inn for the first night of your honeymoon. It has been a very long day, and of course you are very tired, but you cannot sleep because you are extremely nervous about your first night together. With shyness you undress and get into bed. Your new husband comes out of the restroom already undressed, struts around the room without a bit of embarrassment. He walks over to you and, without hesitation, begins to touch and fondle you. He is too rough, but you chalk it up to first time jitters and inexperience. He lays back and invites you to move closer, so you do. He professes his love for you and says that he would like to go inside you. Then he sort of just stops and seems to not know what to do. Shyly you tilt you hips and try to help him out, but because of your inexperience you make a mistake and cannot get the angle right. Then all of a sudden his eyes open wide. He shoves you away and yells, “what are you doing?”

You stand off the bed, with tears flowing down your face. Your mouth opens to speak, but you cannot find the words. His face is distorted and he continues to yell, getting louder. You take a couple of steps back into the corner of the room, listening to him scream at you. “What are you doing? Why are you crying? I thought you loved me enough not to have sex? Why don’t you just tell me what you want? ...”

You just stand there and cry. Thoughts enter your mind to leave, just grab your clothes and run away. You don’t know what has happened. Your beloved husband, who has always been so kind is now laying naked before you, yelling at you on your first night together, your first night with anyone. But if you run, what will you say to your family? They would never understand. And the people at church, how could you face them? After all, you have been informed many times by the leaders of your “monogamous” church that if you leave your husband, you will be going to hell. At a loss, you just stand there with tears streaming down your cheeks, begging the Lord in your heart for help.

“If you want to have sex that bad, then come back,” he says, “You can be like other sluts and grind against me, or on my leg or something.” What do you do? If you leave, you will be ostracized by your “monogamous” family, by members of your “monogamous” congregation. What if he is just really nervous and doesn’t know how to deal with his embarrassment? After all, you have become very close, and this is certainly out of the ordinary. Maybe it is just too much for him to handle, and you just need to have compassion and give him a chance.

With these thoughts, you cautiously make your way back to the bed, and cuddle up to your new husband. He begins caressing you, gently this time. Then kissing you, he draws you on top of him, where he encourages you to move your pelvis. Not knowing what else to do, you oblige. When you are done, you touch your husband and try to encourage him, but he gets annoyed with you and takes care of himself. You wonder how this can be. How can he change so instantly? He always said that he loved you, always said that he was waiting for you his entire life. Now he treats you like this. You spoon in beside him, and silently cry yourself to sleep.