Begging Ecclesiastical Leaders For Help

It was late one summer evening, when Mary-Beth showed up at our house. She smiled and greeted us with hugs at the door, but it was obvious that she had been crying. I immediately asked her if she was okay, but she assured me that she was.

Mary-Beth was not one to run away from her problems. She always tried to fix them herself and if she couldn't, she would ask for help in such a round about way that I never really knew what the problem actually was. I was often perplexed, but I knew that she would not have shown up without her husband, unless there was a serious problem.

She asked if she could spend the night and if we could take her to church tomorrow. So we pulled out the couch and found her some blankets, and Toni gave her PJ's to wear, and we said goodnight. It was a strange visit. She never told me what it was about until years later.

The next morning we all piled in to the van and were off to church. Mary-Beth borrowed some dress clothes from Toni, because she only had the clothes that she showed up in, which were casual, but heavily laden with sweat. She had obviously been walking for hours.

Church was a little awkward. Lorne was there chatting with other members of the congregation, not too concerned about the situation. Then upon seeing me walk in with Mary-Beth, his countenance changed. He began to look worried. (As a result of being abused as a child, I had built my muscles quite large to deter my dad from repeating the abuse, so at this time I was a little intimidating in appearance.)

Mary-Beth walked up to Lorne and told him that she would like him to visit the Bishop with her after the meeting, to which he reluctantly agreed.

During the service, Mary-Beth sat close to my side. She didn't say much, but put on a great show of strength. She was determined to make her marriage work, and she was not going to be one of those people that always complain about their spouse, spouting their personal problems to everyone.

After the meeting, she looked in my eyes and said nothing. My heart ached. I knew that this was serious. I had not seen that look since Mary-Beth and I were children. She only had that look when we were being molested. My teeth clenched with the flood of emotions that it brought back. I followed her to the Bishops office. They both went in and I stood outside the door. I could not hear most of what was said inside the room, but near the end of their meeting I could hear laughter. At first I was relieved, thinking that all had been worked out and everything would be okay. Then the door opened and Mary-Beth came out with her eyes clamped shut, and tears flowing down her cheeks. She reached out and I took her hand and walked quickly with her out of the church. Behind us, the Bishop and Lorne were laughing and shaking hands.

At the time, Mary-Beth wouldn't tell me what had gone on in the Bishop's office, so I just sat there on the curb beside her. What else could I do? I knew something was terribly wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. [I learn now, from her journal, of the previous post "Smell This" and that she had actually went to the Bishop to ask for his help in marriage counselling. She had forgiven her husband for lying to her and marrying her, even though he knew that she only wanted to marry a man who had kept the law of chastity. She felt raped. Deceived into marriage with a person that she did not want to be married to. And even though she felt this way, she was willing to forgive, and work things out.

When they went into the Bishops office, she told the Bishop that she had been deceived into marrying Lorne but that she had forgiven him and wanted to help Lorne start the repentance process. Apparently, Lorne had told the Bishop of his philandering with a "this happened to me" twist. The Bishop began to laugh and told Mary-Beth that she would be hard pressed to find a virgin man in the church. Then Lorne joined in and laughed right along with the Bishop.

In my own experience, as I stood outside the door waiting, this laugh was not just a short burst, but a long full laugh that went on for a few minutes. Then continued after the door opened and Mary-Beth came out.

As we sat on the curb, she asked me to drive her to the Stake President (the next in authority above the Bishop in her "monogamous" church). So we all packed in the van again and drove the hour or so to see the Stake President. He wasn't available, but we were able to get an appointment with his first counselor.

The first counselor had always treated Mary-Beth with respect, especially when it came to interviews. She requested him that I be allowed to come into the meeting. She told him how her husband had been unfaithful and how she felt that now she was being adulterous be continuing their marriage. I was shocked. My sister was a firm believer in loyalty between spouses, but now she had been betrayed and the marriage covenant was broken, she wanted out. Unfortunately, the first counselor didn't see it that way. He just smiled and redirected the focus. He asked her if she loved him. And Mary-Beth, who loves everyone, answered yes. But she did not believe that she should have to stay married to an unfaithful man. But the first counselor just said that if you love him, then just ignore it and stay with him. She went to protest, but he reminded her that if she could not forgive, that she would lose her salvation. Then he asked her to leave. That was it.

Mary-Beth had forgiven Lorne, but she had been betrayed and no longer wanted to live with an adulterous man. But she also was very controlled by her church leaders. Those who are outside this "monogamous" cult will never truly understand the depth of psychological warfare used on it's members. When a church leader, whom the members revere as a mouthpiece of God, speaks, then the members will follow. They believe that to reject the counsel of God's spokesperson, is to reject God. In other words, if Mary-Beth were to deviate, even a minuscule, from the counsel of her church leaders, she would in effect be giving up her eternal salvation. She would be giving up her entire purpose in being. Then there is no reason to live.

On the drive home, I offered everything I had to my dear sister, but she declined. If God didn't love her, and if God wanted her to live in captivity and abuse, then she would submit.

After that, I rarely heard from Mary-Beth again. Whenever I was able to contact her, she just smiled shallowly and responded in socially acceptable pleasantries. Her eyes were sunk deep, and always red and swollen. She even stopped eating and lost a great deal of weight. She went into depression and had often contemplated suicide, to the extent of actually having everything ready to kill herself.

Then she found out that she was pregnant.