Friday, September 10, 2010

A Spark of Light

One thing that really bothered me about this “monogamous” church, was that they claimed to have the power of God, but that no miracles ever happened now, or to people I knew. Miracles were something that always happened to someone else or they were something that used to happen in the early church, but they don’t happen now. (Looking back I find this very humorous, because it was in the early church that they practiced polygamy and other fundamentals of the gospel that have been taken from the modern church, so by their own mouths they are condemning themselves.) How could I believe in a God that was inconsistent and a respecter of persons, if miracles were possible then, then they have to be possible now. After I met JR, I learned that miracles did happen now, and you didn’t even have to be a prophet or church leader for God to show his love to you.

The first miracle I experienced with JR, I did not believe, I was so brainwashed by my “monogamous” church that I thought he was just telling stories. When he told me that he had seen me in a dream, I thought it was just a pick-up line. Boy, was I wrong. JR and I have experienced many miracles over the years, things that cannot be written off as coincidence, or just our imaginations.

I would like share one such experience now, and I will share more over time. After JR and I were engaged, we were sitting on a grassy hill staring up at the stars. As I stared up at they sky the scene changed and as I watched I saw God standing beside JR on a thick layer of cloud. I saw myself standing off to the side a little ways away. God stretched out his arm toward me and spoke to JR. He told JR to take care of me and to bring me home. This was the extent of the vision, and at first I thought it was just a lovely imagination of my heart, until I started to tell JR about it and he stopped me. He proceeded to describe to me my vision, exactly as I had seen it, he even pointed out details that I hadn’t really noticed but could remember once he said them. He had seen the exact same vision, just as I had seen it. There was absolutely no doubt that this vision was from God and that we were foreordained to be together.

Unfortunately, when I tried to tell anyone else in my “monogamous” church about our vision, I was either disbelieved and laughed at or told that I was evil for claiming such a blessing when I had no right. Alternately, when I told people outside my church, they thought it was a wonderful experience and were happy for me. I was beginning to see that maybe my elitist church wasn’t all it claimed to be. By following the elitist propaganda of this church I was actually limiting my ability to be the best possible me I could be. As time went on, and I saw all of the chains that my church had wrapped around me, I started to yearn for freedom, freedom to raise my family in a way that would allow them to make the best possible choices they could. JR and I knew that in order to gain the freedom we were looking for, we would have to break away from this “monogamous” church and it’s members, leaving behind the elitist doctrine that only members of this church were acceptable to God and how everyone else was going to hell. We gathered our children, packed up a few belongings and left for the west. It had long been our dream to live in the mountains, to find a little piece of heaven where we would be left alone to be free to live how we thought was best. Others had found peace in the mountains and we were hoping to find the same.

Once the decision had been made to seek freedom, it felt as though a great weight had been lifted from my heart. I no longer had to worry if I had the right clothes to wear to church, or censor every word that came out of my mouth for fear that my desire to live the fundamentals of the gospel would come out. I am now open about the fact that I am looking for more wives for my husband. I am free to be who I want to be and I am happy!

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