Face to Face with the Polygamous Beast

I don't know if there is something in the water, or what the reason is, but the mountains certainly seem to attract a great variety of philosophical extremes in the people there.

I met so many different people, with so many different philosophies, and that certainly included many different beliefs about marriage. I met some people who believed that marriage was no business of the government, and they followed an aboriginal custom of the Paux (spelling?). It is a simple custom: The two in love would decide if they wanted to marry and would make their covenants to each other and announce their marriage at a community function, or to their families.

A woman that I worked with had two husbands. The marriage seemed to work for them and they were normal people. They had a unique arrangement, one husband worked in a mine and was on a two week in - two week out schedule for work. During the two weeks that he was home, the other husband moved out to a different house, then during the two weeks that he was in the mine, the other husband moved in to the wife's house. It was an interesting arrangement.

There were lots of free love spirits (the spirit of the 60's is still strong in the mountains) who did not believe in any formal type of marriage, just a whole lot of free love. These people reminded me most of the "monogamous" families from my childhood. They would speak of freedom to do as they wanted, and that no one should interfere with them, but in the next breath put down another's point of view. Blatantly hypocritical, but still there were a few nice people among them.

Then came the time that I met a mormon polygamous family. I was prepared for the worse. Surely they would immediately strive to kidnap me, then brain wash me, and then turn me into one of their drones, stealing my individuality and turning me into a monster. I waited. And waited. And they did not kidnap me. I watched them closely. Surely they were just biding their time and trying to gain my confidence and then they would pounce. But no matter how long I waited, they did not molest me. The monogamists that raised me were wrong!

I waited patiently to see all the classical signs of abuse, but never saw any. I could not believe it. I was told by my "monogamous" parents and "monogamous" church that these polygamists were devils, demons disguised as people. But where were the abused children? Where were the cigarette burns on their hands? Why could they sit down without wincing in pain from being whipped? I did not believe that they were acting normal. Perhaps they were just faking everything while I was around. Of course I don't know how they could have healed the bruises and black eyes instantly. Perhaps because it was all a lie. Perhaps my monogamous family, and monogamous churches were wrong.

Well, if I could not find the signs of abuse in the children, surely it would show among the women. Those chattel who were traded back and forth between men. There was no way that they could hide the abuse and the mental damage that the media swore up and down was being committed. After all, according to the "monogamous" media, each polygamous man had a grand elevated gold plated throne in his house that he sat in, while his harem of women mulled about his feet, fulfilling his every whim. And if one of his wives batted an eyelash, then according to the stories that the "monogamous" told, the man would have his wife stripped naked and beat, then sold or traded to another man, only to start the entire proceedure all over again.

Being raised in a red-neck society, I was certainly familiar with the sight of abused women, and I was looking. But the problem was that not all polygamous families were actually polygamous. They believed in the doctrine, but not all of them practiced that principle. There were many families with perhaps two wives, sometimes three, but that was it. There were stories of men who had many more wives than that, but I have not met them in person. So maybe they are the ones with the throne rooms??? Anyway, there were many different types of women and they each had their own personalities, just like in "monogamous" society. There were many different body shapes and sizes, and different hair styles, different makeup, different shoes, and all the sorts of things that women like. The women even had straight teeth and fillings, and some even wore glasses. Now I could not figure out how they were so oppressed and never allowed to have anything, if they were free to go to the dentist and the optometrist. Another "monogamous" lie.

On the internet, I searched and found different blogs, and message boards, and chat rooms that polygamous families inhabited, and I joined some of them. Which is ironic in itself, since the "monogamous" media likes to point out how the mormon polygamous women are not allowed to watch TV, use the internet, have cell phones, etc. I can only ask, how are they on the internet if they are not allowed to use the internet? How do they know what happened on a TV show if they are not allowed to watch TV? How do we talk on the phone in the car, if they are not allowed to have cell phones?

The cell phone one is quite ironic. During the raid in Texas, where the government invaded a mormon polygamous community, and abducted hundreds of children at gun point, even the cops believed the media that polygamists were so oppressed that they did not understand cell phones and computers. They believed it so much that they did not think to thoroughly search their victims for and take away the cell phones of the teenage girls (whom they think are oppressed and uneducated and not allowed to use cell phones). And it was from those teenagers that we now have pictures of the inside of their prisons. The girls took the pictures with their cell phones and emailed them to the outside. They sent text messages to people on the outside, telling us what was happening to them. (Which pictures also helped fight against the lies that the government people were telling the media, concerning the treatment of the abducted children.) It is amazing how well, the girls knew how to use a cell phone, and take pictures, and text messages, since the "monogamous" media has been brain washing the american public into believing that the women in polygamy were oppressed and were forbidden to use technology.

There are unhappy women though. There are women in polygamous marriages who are just not happy with their situation and want out. And some get out. There are women in monogamous marriages who are just not happy with their situation and want out. And some get out. There are some women in polygamous marriages who perhaps should not be there. Just like there are some women in monogamous marriages who perhaps should not be there. There may even be women in polygamous marriages who are mean, spiteful, jealous, covetous, and even self serving, just like the women in monogamous marriages. And when they don't get their way, they throw their temper tantrum, divorce their husbands, and then try to hurt them where ever they can do the most damage. Not much different from monogamous society. In fact, exactly the same.

If I can just digress for a moment. If there is any abuse, whether it is in a polygamous family, a monogamous family, or even a "monogamous" family, then help should be offered. No one, no matter what the marital situation, or religious situation, should have to live with abuse.

Yet, much to my surprize, I could not find the abuse that I was brainwashed into believing was there. I was raised in a very low class neighbourhood, and I saw the psychological damage that occured from abuse, but I have never seen that damage among the polygamists. Now I do not want to downplay anyone's suffering. There are good and bad in all cultures, and I will not say that there have not been cases of abuse among polygamous cultures, but I do stand by my conviction that there is not the level of abuse present that the "monogamous" cultures claim there is among the polygamous.

The polygamous women are the same as any other women. They have the same freedoms as any one. They can come and go, drive cars, have careers, and get educations, and run for political office if they want. They do not spend all their time dressed in harem gowns and dancing in circles in front of their husbands. By now, you can imagine that I was losing faith in my "monogamous" upbringing and the elitist mentality of the churches that I had belonged to.

Surely the men would be no different than those I had grown up with. My own dad was abusive and lazy and indolent, as well as an alcoholic and smoker. He would womanize and spend his time and money in taverns, leaving his children with very little to eat. But at least he was a "monogamist", and not as evil as a polygamist.

If you can imagine how much an honourable "monogamous" man has to work to provide for one wife and a few children, you can imagine how much a polygamous man has to work to provide for two or three wives and a dozen children. If you can imagine struggling to deal with the emotional needs of one wife, then try to imagine caring for the emotional needs of two. To find the time to have quality time with each of your children is often a challenge in the "monogamous" world, now do I really have to continue this sentence? Anyone who thinks polygamous men are in it for the sex, or to be waited on hand and foot, has absolutely no idea that the earth revolves around the sun.

In fact, another disturbing fact is that there are men in polygamous marriages that are being abused by their wives. It happens just like in the monogamous side of society. Some women are controlling, and abusive, always manipulating to get their way above all others. Just imagine dealing with the temper tantrums, fits, and manipulations of just one wife, then multiply it. It is quite obvious, as you can imagine, the level of abuse that one man has to live with when both his wives join forces and abuse him without mercy. Picking on him so much that he has absolutely no freedom or choice in his life. He becomes nothing more than a slave. If he leaves, he is ostracized and loses his family, and loses his salvation. No matter what, abuse is wrong, whether it happens to a woman, or to a man.

This is another long post, and I need to take a break, so to wind it down, I would just like to say that certainly there may be some situations in polygamous lifestyles that may not be for everyone, but that is why the good Lord gave us our freedom to choose our own paths. The scriptures tell us of the war in heaven and how satan tried to take away our freedom to choose. The question seems to be, which side will I be on? The side that allows for free choice, or the side that seeks to take freedom away by every means possible, including politically? I may not agree with everything that the polygamists, or even the "monogamists" do, but I will stand up for the freedom of all.