It was late one summer evening, when Mary-Beth showed up at our house. She smiled and greeted us with hugs at the door, but it was obvious that she had been crying. I immediately asked her if she was okay, but she assured me that she was.
Mary-Beth was not one to run away from her problems. She always tried to fix them herself and if she couldn't, she would ask for help in such a round about way that I never really knew what the problem actually was. I was often perplexed, but I knew that she would not have shown up without her husband, unless there was a serious problem.
She asked if she could spend the night and if we could take her to church tomorrow. So we pulled out the couch and found her some blankets, and Toni gave her PJ's to wear, and we said goodnight. It was a strange visit. She never told me what it was about until years later.
The next morning we all piled in to the van and were off to church. Mary-Beth borrowed some dress clothes from Toni, because she only had the clothes that she showed up in, which were casual, but heavily laden with sweat. She had obviously been walking for hours.
Church was a little awkward. Lorne was there chatting with other members of the congregation, not too concerned about the situation. Then upon seeing me walk in with Mary-Beth, his countenance changed. He began to look worried. (As a result of being abused as a child, I had built my muscles quite large to deter my dad from repeating the abuse, so at this time I was a little intimidating in appearance.)
Mary-Beth walked up to Lorne and told him that she would like him to visit the Bishop with her after the meeting, to which he reluctantly agreed.
During the service, Mary-Beth sat close to my side. She didn't say much, but put on a great show of strength. She was determined to make her marriage work, and she was not going to be one of those people that always complain about their spouse, spouting their personal problems to everyone.
After the meeting, she looked in my eyes and said nothing. My heart ached. I knew that this was serious. I had not seen that look since Mary-Beth and I were children. She only had that look when we were being molested. My teeth clenched with the flood of emotions that it brought back. I followed her to the Bishops office. They both went in and I stood outside the door. I could not hear most of what was said inside the room, but near the end of their meeting I could hear laughter. At first I was relieved, thinking that all had been worked out and everything would be okay. Then the door opened and Mary-Beth came out with her eyes clamped shut, and tears flowing down her cheeks. She reached out and I took her hand and walked quickly with her out of the church. Behind us, the Bishop and Lorne were laughing and shaking hands.
At the time, Mary-Beth wouldn't tell me what had gone on in the Bishop's office, so I just sat there on the curb beside her. What else could I do? I knew something was terribly wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. [I learn now, from her journal, of the previous post "Smell This" and that she had actually went to the Bishop to ask for his help in marriage counselling. She had forgiven her husband for lying to her and marrying her, even though he knew that she only wanted to marry a man who had kept the law of chastity. She felt raped. Deceived into marriage with a person that she did not want to be married to. And even though she felt this way, she was willing to forgive, and work things out.
When they went into the Bishops office, she told the Bishop that she had been deceived into marrying Lorne but that she had forgiven him and wanted to help Lorne start the repentance process. Apparently, Lorne had told the Bishop of his philandering with a "this happened to me" twist. The Bishop began to laugh and told Mary-Beth that she would be hard pressed to find a virgin man in the church. Then Lorne joined in and laughed right along with the Bishop.
In my own experience, as I stood outside the door waiting, this laugh was not just a short burst, but a long full laugh that went on for a few minutes. Then continued after the door opened and Mary-Beth came out.
As we sat on the curb, she asked me to drive her to the Stake President (the next in authority above the Bishop in her "monogamous" church). So we all packed in the van again and drove the hour or so to see the Stake President. He wasn't available, but we were able to get an appointment with his first counselor.
The first counselor had always treated Mary-Beth with respect, especially when it came to interviews. She requested him that I be allowed to come into the meeting. She told him how her husband had been unfaithful and how she felt that now she was being adulterous be continuing their marriage. I was shocked. My sister was a firm believer in loyalty between spouses, but now she had been betrayed and the marriage covenant was broken, she wanted out. Unfortunately, the first counselor didn't see it that way. He just smiled and redirected the focus. He asked her if she loved him. And Mary-Beth, who loves everyone, answered yes. But she did not believe that she should have to stay married to an unfaithful man. But the first counselor just said that if you love him, then just ignore it and stay with him. She went to protest, but he reminded her that if she could not forgive, that she would lose her salvation. Then he asked her to leave. That was it.
Mary-Beth had forgiven Lorne, but she had been betrayed and no longer wanted to live with an adulterous man. But she also was very controlled by her church leaders. Those who are outside this "monogamous" cult will never truly understand the depth of psychological warfare used on it's members. When a church leader, whom the members revere as a mouthpiece of God, speaks, then the members will follow. They believe that to reject the counsel of God's spokesperson, is to reject God. In other words, if Mary-Beth were to deviate, even a minuscule, from the counsel of her church leaders, she would in effect be giving up her eternal salvation. She would be giving up her entire purpose in being. Then there is no reason to live.
On the drive home, I offered everything I had to my dear sister, but she declined. If God didn't love her, and if God wanted her to live in captivity and abuse, then she would submit.
After that, I rarely heard from Mary-Beth again. Whenever I was able to contact her, she just smiled shallowly and responded in socially acceptable pleasantries. Her eyes were sunk deep, and always red and swollen. She even stopped eating and lost a great deal of weight. She went into depression and had often contemplated suicide, to the extent of actually having everything ready to kill herself.
Then she found out that she was pregnant.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Serial "Monogamy" - Unending Cycle of Abuse
Serial "Monogamy" creates a never-ending circle of abuse.
Many studies have been done to trace the profiles of sex abuse perpetrators. I have made note of a few of them below.
* At the national level, between 15% and 33% of all sex offences in Canada are committed by persons under 21 years of age.
* Prison statistics demonstrate that one in seven of those imprisoned for sexual offences against children was under the age of 21.
Source: Adolescent Sex Offenders. (1997) National Clearinghouse on Family Violence. Cat. H72-22/3-1997E. ISBN 0-662-18255-3. (pg. 2)
* Some offenders have abused more than 70 children before any of the victims disclose their abuse. In cases in which one offender has abused a larger number of victims, the abused children are more likely to be male.
Source: Child Youth Mental Services, British Columbia Ministry of Health, Multiple Victim Child Sexual Abuse: The impact on Communities and Implications for the Intervention Planning, Ottawa: Health Canada, Supply and Services Canada, 1994 (pg. 6)
* More than 40% of convicted child molesters were sexually abused as children. They tended to choose victims close to the age at which they were first victimized.
Source: D.M. Greenberg, J.M. Bradford and S. Curry, “A comparison of sexual victimization in the childhoods of pedophiles and hebephiles,” Journal of Forensic Sciences 38(2) 1993, (pg. 434)
The statistics of child abuse in "monogamous" societies are so overwhelming, that it would be impossible to cover all aspects in this blog. Though, if we band together, we can make a difference in the lives of these children.
Together, we can stop the abuse.
Join in the legal battle to change the laws away from the forced "monogamy" that now rules our great country.
"Monogamous" relationships are inherently evil, and are inseparably connected to an unending cycle of child abuse.
"Monogamy" sexualizes children.
"Monogamy" robs children of their constitutional right to freedom and equality.
Many studies have been done to trace the profiles of sex abuse perpetrators. I have made note of a few of them below.
* At the national level, between 15% and 33% of all sex offences in Canada are committed by persons under 21 years of age.
* Prison statistics demonstrate that one in seven of those imprisoned for sexual offences against children was under the age of 21.
Source: Adolescent Sex Offenders. (1997) National Clearinghouse on Family Violence. Cat. H72-22/3-1997E. ISBN 0-662-18255-3. (pg. 2)
* Some offenders have abused more than 70 children before any of the victims disclose their abuse. In cases in which one offender has abused a larger number of victims, the abused children are more likely to be male.
Source: Child Youth Mental Services, British Columbia Ministry of Health, Multiple Victim Child Sexual Abuse: The impact on Communities and Implications for the Intervention Planning, Ottawa: Health Canada, Supply and Services Canada, 1994 (pg. 6)
* More than 40% of convicted child molesters were sexually abused as children. They tended to choose victims close to the age at which they were first victimized.
Source: D.M. Greenberg, J.M. Bradford and S. Curry, “A comparison of sexual victimization in the childhoods of pedophiles and hebephiles,” Journal of Forensic Sciences 38(2) 1993, (pg. 434)
The statistics of child abuse in "monogamous" societies are so overwhelming, that it would be impossible to cover all aspects in this blog. Though, if we band together, we can make a difference in the lives of these children.
Together, we can stop the abuse.
Join in the legal battle to change the laws away from the forced "monogamy" that now rules our great country.
"Monogamous" relationships are inherently evil, and are inseparably connected to an unending cycle of child abuse.
"Monogamy" sexualizes children.
"Monogamy" robs children of their constitutional right to freedom and equality.
A Few Abuse Statistics of the "Monogamous" Culture
In 1999, the McCreary Adolescent Health Survey II* found that:
* 35% of girls and 16% of boys between grades 7 - 12 had been sexually and/or physically abused
* Among girls surveyed, 17-year-olds experienced the highest rate of sexual abuse at 20%
University of Victoria's Sexual Assault Centre*** posts the following childhood sexual abuse statistics:
* 1 in 3 females and 1 in 6 males in Canada experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18.
* 80% of all child abusers are the father, foster father, stepfather or another relative or close family friend of the victim.
* Incestuous relationships last 7 years on average
* 75% of mothers are not aware of the incest in their family
* 60-80% of offenders in a study of imprisoned rapists had been molested as children
* 80% of prostitutes and juvenile delinquents, in another study, were sexually abused as children.
In their 2001 report on Family Violence in Canada**, The Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics found that family members, including relatives, constituted the vast majority (93%) of alleged perpetrators.
Another statistical study conducted in 2001 by the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics**** found that:
* among family assaults parents were the perpetrators in 56% of physical assaults against youths and 43% of sexual assaults against youth victims 12 to 17 years of age;
* siblings were responsible for approximately 25% of physical and 26% of sexual assaults in the family that were perpetrated against youth
* extended family members committed 8% of physical, and 28% of sexual assaults against youth
http://www.safekidsbc.ca/statistics.htm
Families have been forced to confront the fact that people they know, love and trust have committed incestual acts.
Professionals are just beginning to understand the ramifications this childhood sexual abuse has on the victims.
As a society, we all pay dearly for the victimization of our children and youth; and I'm not just referring to the physical and mental health consequences of these young people. Sexual abuse is a significant component of the history behind:
» sex offenders
» substance abusers
» prisoners
» prostitutes
» runaways
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexual-abuse-statistics.html
Consequences – Individual
* Child victims of sexual abuse have been found to display a wide range of symptomology, such as: low self-esteem, guilt, self blame, social withdrawal, marital and family problems, depression, somatic complaints, difficulties with sexuality, eroticized behaviour and irrational fears.
Source: C. Cahill, S. Llewelyn & C. Pearson (1991). Longterm Effects of Sexual Abuse Which Occurred in Childhood: Review. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 30: 117-130
* There has been retrospective correlation of psychiatric disorders in adulthood with unwanted childhood sexual experiences.
Source: R.L. Palmer, D.A. Chaloner &R. Oppenheimer (1992). Childhood Sexual Experiences with Adults Reported by Female Psychiatric Outpatients. British Journal of Psychiatry, 160: 261-5.
* The long-term consequences of childhood sexual experiences with adults have been demonstrated to include, anxiety, deliberate self-harm, depression, difficulties in interpersonal relationships, eating disorders, poor self-esteem, prostitution, and sexual dysfunction.
Source: R.L. Palmer, D.A. Chaloner &R. Oppenheimer (1992). Childhood Sexual Experiences with Adults Reported by Female Psychiatric Outpatients. British Journal of Psychiatry, 160: 261-5.
* Women who reported sexual abuse histories were more likely to report suicidal ideation at the time of hospitalization and a history of multiple suicide attempts.
Source: Preliminary Report on Childhood Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Ideation, and Suicide Attempts Among Middle-Aged and Older Depressed. Nancy Talbot, Paul Duberstein, Christopher Cox, Diane Denning, Yeates Conwell. Accepted April 8, 2003. From the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry, Rochester, NY and the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
http://www.littlewarriors.ca/about_sexual_abuse/statistics.html
* 35% of girls and 16% of boys between grades 7 - 12 had been sexually and/or physically abused
* Among girls surveyed, 17-year-olds experienced the highest rate of sexual abuse at 20%
University of Victoria's Sexual Assault Centre*** posts the following childhood sexual abuse statistics:
* 1 in 3 females and 1 in 6 males in Canada experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18.
* 80% of all child abusers are the father, foster father, stepfather or another relative or close family friend of the victim.
* Incestuous relationships last 7 years on average
* 75% of mothers are not aware of the incest in their family
* 60-80% of offenders in a study of imprisoned rapists had been molested as children
* 80% of prostitutes and juvenile delinquents, in another study, were sexually abused as children.
In their 2001 report on Family Violence in Canada**, The Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics found that family members, including relatives, constituted the vast majority (93%) of alleged perpetrators.
Another statistical study conducted in 2001 by the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics**** found that:
* among family assaults parents were the perpetrators in 56% of physical assaults against youths and 43% of sexual assaults against youth victims 12 to 17 years of age;
* siblings were responsible for approximately 25% of physical and 26% of sexual assaults in the family that were perpetrated against youth
* extended family members committed 8% of physical, and 28% of sexual assaults against youth
http://www.safekidsbc.ca/statistics.htm
Families have been forced to confront the fact that people they know, love and trust have committed incestual acts.
Professionals are just beginning to understand the ramifications this childhood sexual abuse has on the victims.
As a society, we all pay dearly for the victimization of our children and youth; and I'm not just referring to the physical and mental health consequences of these young people. Sexual abuse is a significant component of the history behind:
» sex offenders
» substance abusers
» prisoners
» prostitutes
» runaways
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexual-abuse-statistics.html
Consequences – Individual
* Child victims of sexual abuse have been found to display a wide range of symptomology, such as: low self-esteem, guilt, self blame, social withdrawal, marital and family problems, depression, somatic complaints, difficulties with sexuality, eroticized behaviour and irrational fears.
Source: C. Cahill, S. Llewelyn & C. Pearson (1991). Longterm Effects of Sexual Abuse Which Occurred in Childhood: Review. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 30: 117-130
* There has been retrospective correlation of psychiatric disorders in adulthood with unwanted childhood sexual experiences.
Source: R.L. Palmer, D.A. Chaloner &R. Oppenheimer (1992). Childhood Sexual Experiences with Adults Reported by Female Psychiatric Outpatients. British Journal of Psychiatry, 160: 261-5.
* The long-term consequences of childhood sexual experiences with adults have been demonstrated to include, anxiety, deliberate self-harm, depression, difficulties in interpersonal relationships, eating disorders, poor self-esteem, prostitution, and sexual dysfunction.
Source: R.L. Palmer, D.A. Chaloner &R. Oppenheimer (1992). Childhood Sexual Experiences with Adults Reported by Female Psychiatric Outpatients. British Journal of Psychiatry, 160: 261-5.
* Women who reported sexual abuse histories were more likely to report suicidal ideation at the time of hospitalization and a history of multiple suicide attempts.
Source: Preliminary Report on Childhood Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Ideation, and Suicide Attempts Among Middle-Aged and Older Depressed. Nancy Talbot, Paul Duberstein, Christopher Cox, Diane Denning, Yeates Conwell. Accepted April 8, 2003. From the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry, Rochester, NY and the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
http://www.littlewarriors.ca/about_sexual_abuse/statistics.html
Friday, December 3, 2010
Smell This
The first year of marriage was riddled with abuse. One of the situations that seems to stand out to me happened in the first half year of marriage. It was a time when Mary-Beth seemed to have overcome her disappointment in her husband. On one day in particular, she had been praying a great deal, and felt the spirit of love, and was determined to forgive and love her husband unconditionally. She went into the house, remembering all the love she had for her husband now and during her courtship. As she entered the house, Lorne was coming down the stairs and smiling. Mary-Beth smiled back and began to ascend the stairs opening her arms to hug her husband. Just then, he stopped and held up his hand right in front of her face, and said smell this. His hand was dripping with sperm. He laughed as he kept teasing her and shoving his fluids into her face, “I’ll masturbate whenever I want, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Her heart sunk.
As you can imagine, Mary-Beth was struggling again, desparate to save her marriage when Lorne dropped another bomb. He told her that he had indeed lied to her, when he said that he had saved himself for her. That he lied just so he could find a wife and settle down. He continued his laughter and told her that the reason he fell asleep when she had offered oral sex, was because he had already had oral sex with another girl, and compared to her, Mary-Beth was worthless at it.
Well, this was too much for Mary-Beth to handle. She began to seek the counsel of her ecclesiastical leaders.
As you can imagine, Mary-Beth was struggling again, desparate to save her marriage when Lorne dropped another bomb. He told her that he had indeed lied to her, when he said that he had saved himself for her. That he lied just so he could find a wife and settle down. He continued his laughter and told her that the reason he fell asleep when she had offered oral sex, was because he had already had oral sex with another girl, and compared to her, Mary-Beth was worthless at it.
Well, this was too much for Mary-Beth to handle. She began to seek the counsel of her ecclesiastical leaders.
Consummating The Marriage
From Mary-Beth’s diary the next ten days of married life carried a similar tone. Each time that her and her husband started to become too intimate, he would reject her and satisfy his own needs himself.
On the eighth day of their marriage, Mary-Beth writes that she was desperate to try anything that she could think of to make him love her, so she decided to attempt to use her mouth on him. He had mentioned this behaviour before, but she could not bring herself to do it previously. At first he seemed quite interested, but then as she was under the covers he went flaccid, fell asleep and began snoring. This certainly did not help her self-worth. She couldn’t help but wonder how he could fall asleep? Even if she did not know what she was doing, she couldn’t figure out why he would fall asleep if she was the only person that he had ever been with. She started to seriously doubt that he was a pure as he claimed to be. She was so hurt that she got out of bed, dressed and walked out the door. Previously, she had always been afraid to leave, because Lorne often brainwashed her into believing his psychotic “monogamous” religious beliefs that she would be going to hell.
She had no idea where she would go. She was in strange city and didn’t know anyone. When she was a couple of blocks away, Lorne caught up with her and asked what was wrong. He seemed so genuine, that Mary-Beth was caught off guard. He had run out after her in his bare feet, and so she thought that he truly cared. (Personally, I think that he was just afraid of losing a slave.) Perhaps because she had no money and no where to go, and was terrified that she was going to go to hell, she talked herself into believing that her husband cared and she returned with him.
On day ten, Mary-Beth was still concerned with not having consummated their marriage, and obviously had an incorrect belief that if they consummated their marriage then their marriage would get better. So she offered to spend all her money (she had a few hundred dollars set aside) on an expensive suite at a five star hotel. This seemed to work, and Lorne quickly agreed. Once there though, Lorne made a demand that if she wanted to have intercourse with him that she would have to perform a particular position. She submitted and did as he asked. It was a painful experience, but at the same time she was so excited that she began to have an orgasm. When the orgasm began, Lorne began to withdraw. She begged him not to, but he forcefully pushed her away, leaving her body contracting, but not with pleasure. (From this point on in her diary, there is a significant change in her writing. Obviously the result of serious neurosis.)
As time went on over the next few months, Lorne seemed to just stop all offers of intimacy and would only allow Mary-Beth intimacy once or twice a month. At first he just liked to watch her, then he would take care of himself. He eventually got to the point where he told her to take care of her own needs as well, though it seems to have progressed to that point over the course of the first year of marriage. She was able to have intercourse though if she was willing to pay him for it, usually by buying him expensive gifts.
On the eighth day of their marriage, Mary-Beth writes that she was desperate to try anything that she could think of to make him love her, so she decided to attempt to use her mouth on him. He had mentioned this behaviour before, but she could not bring herself to do it previously. At first he seemed quite interested, but then as she was under the covers he went flaccid, fell asleep and began snoring. This certainly did not help her self-worth. She couldn’t help but wonder how he could fall asleep? Even if she did not know what she was doing, she couldn’t figure out why he would fall asleep if she was the only person that he had ever been with. She started to seriously doubt that he was a pure as he claimed to be. She was so hurt that she got out of bed, dressed and walked out the door. Previously, she had always been afraid to leave, because Lorne often brainwashed her into believing his psychotic “monogamous” religious beliefs that she would be going to hell.
She had no idea where she would go. She was in strange city and didn’t know anyone. When she was a couple of blocks away, Lorne caught up with her and asked what was wrong. He seemed so genuine, that Mary-Beth was caught off guard. He had run out after her in his bare feet, and so she thought that he truly cared. (Personally, I think that he was just afraid of losing a slave.) Perhaps because she had no money and no where to go, and was terrified that she was going to go to hell, she talked herself into believing that her husband cared and she returned with him.
On day ten, Mary-Beth was still concerned with not having consummated their marriage, and obviously had an incorrect belief that if they consummated their marriage then their marriage would get better. So she offered to spend all her money (she had a few hundred dollars set aside) on an expensive suite at a five star hotel. This seemed to work, and Lorne quickly agreed. Once there though, Lorne made a demand that if she wanted to have intercourse with him that she would have to perform a particular position. She submitted and did as he asked. It was a painful experience, but at the same time she was so excited that she began to have an orgasm. When the orgasm began, Lorne began to withdraw. She begged him not to, but he forcefully pushed her away, leaving her body contracting, but not with pleasure. (From this point on in her diary, there is a significant change in her writing. Obviously the result of serious neurosis.)
As time went on over the next few months, Lorne seemed to just stop all offers of intimacy and would only allow Mary-Beth intimacy once or twice a month. At first he just liked to watch her, then he would take care of himself. He eventually got to the point where he told her to take care of her own needs as well, though it seems to have progressed to that point over the course of the first year of marriage. She was able to have intercourse though if she was willing to pay him for it, usually by buying him expensive gifts.
The Wedding Night
In telling me her story, Mary-Beth has allowed me to read a few pages from her diary. I have tried to be as accurate as possible, without being too vulgar or sexually revealing, while still trying to tell her story accurately. I also ask her to approve of the posts before I post them.
Imagine you are a young girl daydreaming about your first crush. Of course he would be the cutest boy in school, and everyone would find him charming. The other girls date any boy they can, but you are patiently waiting for the right boy. Then one day it happens. You meet the boy of your dreams. He’s tall, good looking, a snappy dresser, and very charming. And best of all, he seems to be just as smitten with you as you are with him.
You start courting and find out that you have a great deal in common. He likes all the same things that you do. He loves to travel, wants to see the world. He loves god and volunteers often in church. He loves his mother and is kind and courteous to her. He is kind to children and would like to have his own some day. And perhaps most intriguing of all, he has never had a serious girlfriend, but has been waiting patiently for you too.
Then the day of your wedding arrives, and it’s beautiful. You stand beside your handsome fiancée, as the minister pronounces you ‘man and wife’. Then off to the reception where everyone toasts to your happiness, after which you arrive at the Inn for the first night of your honeymoon. It has been a very long day, and of course you are very tired, but you cannot sleep because you are extremely nervous about your first night together. With shyness you undress and get into bed. Your new husband comes out of the restroom already undressed, struts around the room without a bit of embarrassment. He walks over to you and, without hesitation, begins to touch and fondle you. He is too rough, but you chalk it up to first time jitters and inexperience. He lays back and invites you to move closer, so you do. He professes his love for you and says that he would like to go inside you. Then he sort of just stops and seems to not know what to do. Shyly you tilt you hips and try to help him out, but because of your inexperience you make a mistake and cannot get the angle right. Then all of a sudden his eyes open wide. He shoves you away and yells, “what are you doing?”
You stand off the bed, with tears flowing down your face. Your mouth opens to speak, but you cannot find the words. His face is distorted and he continues to yell, getting louder. You take a couple of steps back into the corner of the room, listening to him scream at you. “What are you doing? Why are you crying? I thought you loved me enough not to have sex? Why don’t you just tell me what you want? ...”
You just stand there and cry. Thoughts enter your mind to leave, just grab your clothes and run away. You don’t know what has happened. Your beloved husband, who has always been so kind is now laying naked before you, yelling at you on your first night together, your first night with anyone. But if you run, what will you say to your family? They would never understand. And the people at church, how could you face them? After all, you have been informed many times by the leaders of your “monogamous” church that if you leave your husband, you will be going to hell. At a loss, you just stand there with tears streaming down your cheeks, begging the Lord in your heart for help.
“If you want to have sex that bad, then come back,” he says, “You can be like other sluts and grind against me, or on my leg or something.” What do you do? If you leave, you will be ostracized by your “monogamous” family, by members of your “monogamous” congregation. What if he is just really nervous and doesn’t know how to deal with his embarrassment? After all, you have become very close, and this is certainly out of the ordinary. Maybe it is just too much for him to handle, and you just need to have compassion and give him a chance.
With these thoughts, you cautiously make your way back to the bed, and cuddle up to your new husband. He begins caressing you, gently this time. Then kissing you, he draws you on top of him, where he encourages you to move your pelvis. Not knowing what else to do, you oblige. When you are done, you touch your husband and try to encourage him, but he gets annoyed with you and takes care of himself. You wonder how this can be. How can he change so instantly? He always said that he loved you, always said that he was waiting for you his entire life. Now he treats you like this. You spoon in beside him, and silently cry yourself to sleep.
Imagine you are a young girl daydreaming about your first crush. Of course he would be the cutest boy in school, and everyone would find him charming. The other girls date any boy they can, but you are patiently waiting for the right boy. Then one day it happens. You meet the boy of your dreams. He’s tall, good looking, a snappy dresser, and very charming. And best of all, he seems to be just as smitten with you as you are with him.
You start courting and find out that you have a great deal in common. He likes all the same things that you do. He loves to travel, wants to see the world. He loves god and volunteers often in church. He loves his mother and is kind and courteous to her. He is kind to children and would like to have his own some day. And perhaps most intriguing of all, he has never had a serious girlfriend, but has been waiting patiently for you too.
Then the day of your wedding arrives, and it’s beautiful. You stand beside your handsome fiancée, as the minister pronounces you ‘man and wife’. Then off to the reception where everyone toasts to your happiness, after which you arrive at the Inn for the first night of your honeymoon. It has been a very long day, and of course you are very tired, but you cannot sleep because you are extremely nervous about your first night together. With shyness you undress and get into bed. Your new husband comes out of the restroom already undressed, struts around the room without a bit of embarrassment. He walks over to you and, without hesitation, begins to touch and fondle you. He is too rough, but you chalk it up to first time jitters and inexperience. He lays back and invites you to move closer, so you do. He professes his love for you and says that he would like to go inside you. Then he sort of just stops and seems to not know what to do. Shyly you tilt you hips and try to help him out, but because of your inexperience you make a mistake and cannot get the angle right. Then all of a sudden his eyes open wide. He shoves you away and yells, “what are you doing?”
You stand off the bed, with tears flowing down your face. Your mouth opens to speak, but you cannot find the words. His face is distorted and he continues to yell, getting louder. You take a couple of steps back into the corner of the room, listening to him scream at you. “What are you doing? Why are you crying? I thought you loved me enough not to have sex? Why don’t you just tell me what you want? ...”
You just stand there and cry. Thoughts enter your mind to leave, just grab your clothes and run away. You don’t know what has happened. Your beloved husband, who has always been so kind is now laying naked before you, yelling at you on your first night together, your first night with anyone. But if you run, what will you say to your family? They would never understand. And the people at church, how could you face them? After all, you have been informed many times by the leaders of your “monogamous” church that if you leave your husband, you will be going to hell. At a loss, you just stand there with tears streaming down your cheeks, begging the Lord in your heart for help.
“If you want to have sex that bad, then come back,” he says, “You can be like other sluts and grind against me, or on my leg or something.” What do you do? If you leave, you will be ostracized by your “monogamous” family, by members of your “monogamous” congregation. What if he is just really nervous and doesn’t know how to deal with his embarrassment? After all, you have become very close, and this is certainly out of the ordinary. Maybe it is just too much for him to handle, and you just need to have compassion and give him a chance.
With these thoughts, you cautiously make your way back to the bed, and cuddle up to your new husband. He begins caressing you, gently this time. Then kissing you, he draws you on top of him, where he encourages you to move your pelvis. Not knowing what else to do, you oblige. When you are done, you touch your husband and try to encourage him, but he gets annoyed with you and takes care of himself. You wonder how this can be. How can he change so instantly? He always said that he loved you, always said that he was waiting for you his entire life. Now he treats you like this. You spoon in beside him, and silently cry yourself to sleep.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Those Rotten "Monogamous" Disease Spreaders
Since today is World AIDS Day, I thought I would jump ahead a bit in telling my sister's story.
As I will explain in future posts, Lorne, her husband has been quite promiscuous, and doesn't really care who he is with. As a result of his illicit behaviour he has brought home a disease, with which he has infected Mary-Beth. It is not HIV, but it is so disturbing that it could have been. Of course to knowingly, or indifferently infect anyone with any kind of virus is completely immoral and criminal.
I would encourage anyone who hasn't already, to check out the World AIDS Day Website, especially the Common Myths page.
One of the main reasons for the transmission of HIV or any virus for that matter is because the truth is often misunderstood, hidden behind layers of myth and false propaganda. It is a sad thing that some people are still so ignorant as to not know how HIV is transmitted. These virus' and diseases are not spread because of a person's choice of conjugal arrangement. They are spread specifically from an infected source to a non-infected person.
We really need to get the word out, so please head over to the World AIDS Day site and show your support.
As I will explain in future posts, Lorne, her husband has been quite promiscuous, and doesn't really care who he is with. As a result of his illicit behaviour he has brought home a disease, with which he has infected Mary-Beth. It is not HIV, but it is so disturbing that it could have been. Of course to knowingly, or indifferently infect anyone with any kind of virus is completely immoral and criminal.
I would encourage anyone who hasn't already, to check out the World AIDS Day Website, especially the Common Myths page.
One of the main reasons for the transmission of HIV or any virus for that matter is because the truth is often misunderstood, hidden behind layers of myth and false propaganda. It is a sad thing that some people are still so ignorant as to not know how HIV is transmitted. These virus' and diseases are not spread because of a person's choice of conjugal arrangement. They are spread specifically from an infected source to a non-infected person.
We really need to get the word out, so please head over to the World AIDS Day site and show your support.
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